Complete Gardening
Embarking on a journey of plant parenthood is filled with excitement, anticipation, and, sometimes, unexpected hilarity.
Join me as I share my uproarious adventures in gardening, where things didn’t always go according to plan.
From overzealous watering to plant identity crises, these stories will resonate with anyone who’s ever tried their hand at nurturing nature. Here are 10 rib-tickling lessons learned from the trials and tribulations of a wannabe gardener.
1. Overwatering Is Just Love in Disguise
I thought my plants would thrive on attention. Turns out, drowning them in water isn’t “love”—it’s slow-motion plant murder. Now I’m haunted by the ghost of my first pothos, who definitely didn’t need daily hydration.
2. Naming Plants Doesn’t Save Them
Sure, giving my monstera a cute name like “Monstie Elliott” felt endearing. But no amount of clever wordplay can save a plant from my inability to figure out “indirect sunlight.”
3. Pest Invasions Are a Plant Parent’s Worst Nightmare
Nothing prepares you for the horror of fungus gnats flying out of your prized fiddle-leaf fig. I tried every remedy under the sun—cinnamon, dish soap, even begging—but those tiny demons laughed in my face.
4. Propagation: Instagram vs. Reality
Everyone on social media makes propagating plants look effortless. Meanwhile, my attempts resulted in jars of murky water and soggy stems that smelled like defeat.
5. Some Plants Just Want to Die
No matter what you do, there’s always that one plant that’s like, “Nah, I’m good.” RIP to my maidenhair fern, which lasted a whopping 72 hours before dramatically collapsing like a Victorian maiden.
6. Succulents Are Sneaky
“They’re low-maintenance,” they said. “You can’t kill them,” they said. Then why does my succulent look like it’s auditioning for The Walking Dead?
7. The Sun Can Be a Frenemy
Plants need sunlight, but apparently, not too much. Who knew that leaving my monstera outside for a “sunbath” would turn it into a crispy leaf disaster? Not me, obviously
8. Pinterest Plant Shelves Are a Scam
Those dreamy plant shelves on Pinterest are a lie. Mine ended up looking more like a jungle where things went to die. And yes, it took two dead ferns to realize this.
9. Plant Grief Is Real
When you accidentally kill a plant, it’s not just about the money—it’s the shame. I held a tiny memorial for my spider plant, complete with a heartfelt apology for overestimating my skills.
10. One Leaf Can Make It All Worthwhile
Despite the chaos, there’s nothing like the sheer joy of seeing a new leaf unfurl. That single victory makes you forget about all the plants you’ve sent to an early grave. (Looking at you, Fernie Sanders.)
Being a plant parent is messy, hilarious, and occasionally tragic. But for every leaf that dies, there’s a lesson learned—and maybe, just maybe, a new plant to try again with.
So to all the struggling plant parents out there: you’re not alone. Keep growing (or at least keep trying)! 🌱